


The ones who love us never really leave us

by Theloversthedreamersandme82



Category: The Doctor Blake Mysteries
Genre: Don’t copy to another site, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 14:46:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17163938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theloversthedreamersandme82/pseuds/Theloversthedreamersandme82
Summary: My contribution to the Blake secret Santa 2018





	The ones who love us never really leave us

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and it was a pretty difficult prompt, especially after this week. Plus I need a new laptop and so I wrote this on my phone. I’m also still finding my feet with formatting so be gentle. If anyone has any constructive suggestions let me know.

‘Go home Jean’ Matthew shuffled his papers on his desk distractedly, not meeting her eyes. ‘I’ll call you when we have something further.’ Jean looked at him and seeing there was going to be no further discussion on the matter, spun on her heel and walked out.

Once in the car she let out the breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding. Home. Where was that again? Certainly not the empty house that held echoes of her past happiness, that held so many memories she would just rather forget. Honestly? Would it have been better if they’d never met.? Never fell in love? She blinked furiously to remove the tears that had appeared so easily in the corner of her eyes. No one would see her crying. She was Jean, she was strong, she was the one whose always carried on, with her head held high.

Without even knowing where she was going she started the car and just drove.

When she got to the lake she parked the car and sat in silence breathing heavily. Then she reached over to the seat beside her and picked up the hat that had seen so much.

A flash of a memory.

An echo of a voice

‘Jean, what would I do without you?’

She shook her head trying to clear the memory and got out of the car. Clutching the hat in her hands she slowly made her way to the bench. When she got to the seat she glared at it accusingly, is if it were personally responsible for taking away her happy ending. Or happy beginning. She smiled sadly, her and Lucien had begun this dance so many years ago and for it to be snatched away so suddenly just as the cup of happiness was at her lips felt so unjust.

Another flash, another memory

‘Bravo!’ Eyes that exchanged an all too intimate look.

She pursed her lips and refused to let the tear that was threatening to escape fall down her cheek.

She wrapped her blue coat about her, it had suddenly come in cold. Of course it was always colder by the lake due to the heavy tree coverage, but the weather had turned, and grey clouds were hovering above desperate to dump their flood of rain down on to the dry earth.

Slowly she lowered herself on to the bench.

Another memory

‘This is your home Jean’

That damned phone! If only it hadn’t interrupted them. What would have happened had it not rung? Would he have kissed her then and there? Would she have let him? Would she have had more time with him?

Jean shivered as the wind suddenly picked up. She looked at her hands still clutching the battered old hat.

The hand. The course calloused hand that had slipped in to hers that time on the bus. That first time that she knew for certain she meant more to him than housekeeper.

She sighed shakily as large drops of rain began to fall.

And at last all the memories came flooding back.

Words, looks, touches.

‘Somewhat messier’

Helping him to his bed when he’d had too much whisky

‘Sweet Jean’

Singing along with him on the piano

‘Get me a ticket will you? .....opening night, front row’

The way he tended to her wrist ever so gently

The feel of his hand on her face

‘Maybe this is the beginning of you being ready’

The catch in his voice ‘Children just want to be with their parents’ and the way he had clung to her hand on his shoulder.

Then the torture of Mei Lin appearing just as they had decided to move their relationship foreward. Just as she had allowed herself to hope that there was happiness in her future. Happiness with the man she had dared to fall in love with. The one who had brought down so many walls and eventually penetrated the stronghold of her heart.

‘I mean it’s obvious isn’t it?’

Oh how it hurt when she had to be the voice of reason when her heart was begging her to give in. The tears she had cried when the ache of her heart became too much.

Jean wondered not for the first time how long it would take for the memories to fade, for the elephant sitting on her chest to dissipate.

The rain was falling harder now, but still she didn’t move. She felt somehow connected to him in this moment. Tears were flowing freely now and she could almost feel his presence on the seat next to her. She brought his hat to her face and inhaled deeply. His scent filled her very soul. If she closed her eyes she could almost believe he was right there. Eyes closed she lifted her chin ever so slightly so rain pelted her face and blended with her tears.

Her heart ached as she remembered how they had reached for each other in the driveway as Frank Carlyle drove Mei Lin away. Not even waiting until the car was out of sight before melting into one another as relief and passion flowed between them.

Jean was soaked through now, and the sky was getting dark. She figured Matthew would be looking for dinner and half heartedly tried to push herself off the bench.

Then it hit her

‘Im going to be your wife’

And she had been. For such an unfairly short period. She choked back a noise in the back of her throat as her grief tried to explode out of her mouth.

‘We’re engaged now actually’

She bent over double as her heaving sobs increased. This memory, so real, she could hear her own voice mocking her. She could almost feel his face in her hands, smell the brylcreem in his hair as she pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

She could see his face radiant and beaming as she walked towards him in the white gown she had picked out so carefully. His fingers fumbling with the soft buttons at her back when they got home that night.

Chest heaving while her whole body racked with sobs, she slid off the bench on to the ground and cried her heart out.

 

Alice looked at Matthew as she placed her jacket over the back of her chair at the kitchen table as outside the rain fell.

‘Jean is not normally late’. She glanced at the clock as Matthew buttered some toast at the counter. ‘Did she say where she was going when she left the station?’ She quizzed him.

‘I told her to go home’ he answered gruffly ‘I thought she’d be here’. He dipped the tip of his knife in to the jar of vegemite and started to spread it distractedly. ‘Oh Matthew I can’t stand vegemite you know that!’ Alice cried.

‘That’s because you put too much on!’ He retorted crossly. ‘You’ve got to put plenty of butter on the toast and then only the tiniest scrape of vegemite! And I don’t see you coming up with any dinner ideas!’

‘That’s because I’m a lousy cook!’

‘Well then don’t complain about my vegemite toast!’ He was almost shouting now.

Alice bit her lip. Her voice cracked. ‘Matthew why are we fighting over vegemite toast when Jean is missing?’ She had tears in her eyes. ‘I know she’s been missing... him’ she paused ‘she wouldn’t.... do anything silly would she?’ Her eyes searched his imploringly. Matthew walked around the table and reached out to her. ‘Come here sweetheart’ his voice softer as she leaned in to his shoulder. ‘What if she’s out there. In this rain Matthew? What if..’ he cut her off, ‘Come on now, there’s no use thinking about what if’s. Let’s just sit down and have some dinner, I’ll make us a cuppa and if she’s not home when we’ve finished, we’ll take the car and go looking, can’t search on an empty stomach can we?’ He managed a weak smile as he rubbed her shoulder.

She sat down in her chair heavily and looked through wet eyes at the placemat in front of her. Matthew sat down in the chair next to her, took her fidgeting hands in his strong ones and looked at her ‘Come on. Where’s all this come from? Alice? This isn’t like you?’

Alice sighed shakily. ‘I don’t know Matthew, I just feel that.... when Lucien was here I finally had the family I never had. A family where I felt love was possible. Without him....’ she trailed off ‘our family feels incomplete. It’s off balance.’

A tear rolled down her cheek and Matthew wiped it away with the softest touch of his thumb. ‘Alice you will always have a family here, with or without Lucien. I want you to remember that.’ She let her head fall to his shoulder as she leaned into him. ‘I miss him too’ he muttered as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘I mean sometimes he could be a bloody giant pain in the arse,’ Alice smiled slightly despite her tears, ‘but he was a bloody good police surgeon. And like a brother to me’ these were a lot of words coming from Matthew Lawson and it stunned Alice into silence for a while.

They were sat there like that at the table her head on his shoulder, when all of a sudden the front door banged. They sprung up and apart like young lovers caught in a tryst at the back of a movie cinema.

‘Jean is that you?’ Alice called as she moved toward the door.  
‘Yes, yes, it is. Sorry I’m so late’ Jean called. Her voice was hoarse and raw.

Alice exchanged a look with Matthew as Jean came in to the kitchen. She was soaked through, covered in mud and her eyes were red. Her hair was dripping and her shoes sloshed as she walked, teeth chattering as she trembled from the cold. It was clear she’d been crying.

‘Jean!’ Alice breathed. ‘You’re all wet!’

‘Leave it to you to point out the obvious Alice’ Jean replied sarcastically. And I see Matthew Lawson has spared no expense in creating a fine dining experience for you, right here in my kitchen. What were you thinking Matthew? You know Alice can’t stand vegemite!’ Her voice was quiet but calm. It was, in a way, even sadder than if she’d yelled or cried, Alice thought.

Jean smiled painfully at them. The smile was forced and determined but soft and it was obvious she didn’t want to talk about her reasons for being late.

‘Well if you can manage to peel and chop some carrots and a few potatoes I’m sure I’m can do better than that, Just let me go and dry off first’ she started moving towards the door.

‘No Jean it’s fine, you don’t need to go to all that fuss really’ Alice tried to stop her.

Jean turned and took Alice’s hand. ‘ Alice, I won’t have anyone going hungry, or being forced to eat vegemite toast’ she shot a dirty look at Matthew ‘in my house’ Alice tried again. ‘But you should be resting, here have a sit down.’ Jean looked at her. ‘Alice I’m not sick. I’m not injured, I may have lost my husband,’ she swallowed as Alice looked away ‘but I can still cook a meal for my friends.’

Alice reached her other hand behind her back to Matthew who took it in his and held it low where Jean couldn’t see it.

‘We just have to carry on regardless.’ Jean said quietly, not looking it either of them. ‘It’s what Lucien would want us to do.’ She smiled sadly at them and walked away.

As she left the room she turned around to see Matthew bringing Alice’s hand to his lips for a quick kiss. She remembered how Lucien had kissed her hand like that when they got back from Adelaide, smiled sadly at the memory and went to shower.


End file.
